Most of us have an ego. From time to time, we might meet someone who is pretty much egoless, although these types of people are very few and far between. Why? Well, because ego is something which we use to define ourselves. According to Freud:The ego is that part of the id which has been modified by the direct influence of the external world ... The ego represents what may be called reason and common sense… [Freud, The Ego and the Id (1923)]
Therefore, ego is something which we have learned; in that sense, this work can be undone by eliminating ego (or at least diminishing it) and all (or at least some of) the negative elements that naturally co-exist with it. The result: a more spiritually fulfilling life. Diminishing the ego is essential for spiritual growth.
The ego is often one of the main barriers to happiness, as it creates judgements about the validity and acceptability of things. The problem here, and the reason that this is a barrier, is because to be truly happy we must accept everything, but ensure that we change our attitude and behaviour towards it.
WE ALL KNOW SOMEONE LIKE THIS
To illustrate how the ego lies at the heart of many every day, common problems in lfe, imagine this scenario: You work with a particularly angry, unreasonable and confrontational person. They seem to think that everything they do is fantastic and everything that you do is substandard. They may be patronising and arrogant, and carry with them an air of self-proclaimed superiority. Would this wind you up? Would it make you angry? Would it make you want to confront the person and tell them how it is, that they are not superior, and in fact, that they are nothing more than a sad idiot? Perhaps, but this behaviour would make you as bad as them! Why? Well, because you are now allowing your ego to control your attitude and behaviour, which is exactly what you despised about the person who you are blaming!
Ask yourself: is this the best way to handle the situation? No. The best way to handle the situation is to change your way of thinking about them. It is clear that situation is unlikely to change, and that they will not change, no matter what you say. So why waste your breath? It may make you feel ‘better’ by venting your anger/displeasure, but it will not help the situation. So, what’s the point, apart from satisfying your ego’s appetite?
In Thailand, we talk about the ego being like a busy little fly which flys around minding everyone’s business, and annoying people; the way to control the ego (apart from eliminating it entirely, which is extraordinarily difficult!) is to put a metaphorical glass over the metaphorical fly, therefore trapping it and incapacitating it.
Perhaps think about this next time that ultra-annoying, unreasonable and arrogant individual says or does something to frustrate you. Don’t get frustrated. Instead, control your ego. Then, believe it or not, it helps to try to feel sorry for them, as they will probably never be able to change their negative ways!
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